my life is pretty dull when I don't go out... don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those types that go out and party with the popular kids or anything... I just go out with my friends, most of the times we just hang out at the Jack in the Box down the street from my house... however, lately we haven't been hanging out... I feel like some social hermit... probably when I should be with my friends the most I'm not... you might be thinking, why don't you do something about it? I guess I've tried, they're either busy or since I don't know what to do, we end up doing nothing... I basically just would do anything as long as I get out of the house...

after next week I should start looking for new friends... all except one are going away... I don't know... right now I feel pretty detached from everyone... I sick of myself and my self loathing... wait... I am a moron, just ignore that last sentence... you know I always look up words on dictionary.com to see if I spelt them right or if I used them correctly... like loathe...

I watched the second part of the Godfather Part 2... that was probably the best part of my day... I didn't do anything else besides watch tv... I tried to draw, but it turned out sucky and I was discouraged rather quickly...

if you relax your eyes long enough and just stare at something, like a keyboard, you start to see things move and meld... like my keyboard, it's erogronomic so it's spaced in the middle... when I do that lazy eye thing it looks like a regular keyboard... and everything starts to pulsate... it's weird...

tomorrow should be interesting, I'm having my graduation party for my family and then the going away party... I feel like I'm gonna feel awkward seeing my friends... I haven't seen them for awhile... I don't know... I'm kind of pissed... but I know it'll be good when I see them...

my entries have been very angsty lately... most likely because of depression... the unmotivator... I'm just fed up with shit and I'm too stubborn? or something to do something about it... I feel helpless but I'm not....

I feel like a loser saying this but I enjoy phone calls and what not, it's probably because I like communicating or interacting with people... the reason I say this is because I got a call from Michael today and I was pretty happy about it... just that the phone call was for me makes me happy, I don't know I'm fucked up like that... I enjoy talking to people online as well, but when I can't think of something to talk about, it disappoints me... like I'm inadaquet... I feel so stupid... I get sad when I'm talking to people and they leave... it's not an overwhelming saddness or anything... it's kind of like a let down... now after all that's said... I really feel like a fruit... oh well... I'll never see you again anyway... or at least I'll keep thinking that...