I have certainly learned a lot during the past couple of days...

on the day of my graduation, june 1st, I learned that razors don't contour to every ridge or bump on your face... like say a pimple.... heh, I felt really foolish just slicing it off like that... it bleed a whole lot... the graduation ceramony wasn't all too special... I was sitting next to a guy who had a horrible breath... and it wasn't just on that night, it was during the practices before too, so everytime we sang it was horrible... having bad breath is a phobia of mine... its understandable, I guess, but no one really wants to talk to a person with bad breath more or less stay around them... so we give our leis and get some... I meet my family on my dad's side... my cousins have changed a bit... they grew chubbier, but that's expected because of their parents... Philip came to the graduation, I missed him though... the next day I went to his, but I went too late and everyone was already gone.... I still haven't had a chance to talk to him yet... I got about $2,300 in graduation money... probably the most money I've ever had in my possession... my dream computer is almost within my grasp...

so to project graduation I went... project graduation is a program to keep high school graduates from drinking and driving and killing themselves on graduation night... they take you to this secret location and you're not allowed to bring anything... so they give you everything, like disposable cameras and toothbrushes and such... we went to the Japanese Cultural Center... it was alright... we had some pretty good food... jevon, michael and I were going to rap to Rapper's Delight, but they didn't have it on the karaoke thing... so after awhile I got a characature of myself... I wanted him to draw me pole-vaulting, but I figured I wouldn't give him a hard time so I told him he could draw me surfing... I also got my handwriting analyzed... he said I was impatient, I'm good at grounding ideas (a trait common among geniuses), I have a lot of friends, but only really hang around with a few of them, I'm good at keeping my money, I don't mind going my own way, not comforming and such, which makes me sensitive to criticism... well I played on these huge inflatable things.. I'm so descriptive... anyway... there's this inflatable jousting ring and I fought two guys, not at once, but on different occasions... I won once, and possibly a draw the last time... I also got burned on my arm from the inflatable... still hurts... at the end, the mc walked us through our past till the present, very queer... then he told us to go around to see everyone in... heh it was funny... he put all the people who went to project graduation in a dim lit room and we all formed a circle and everyone was walking around the circle hugging each other while sentimental music was playing in the background... I was happy... I don't completely understand why I was happy, but I was... a lot of people were crying of course... its weird, I consider myself a kind of sensitive guy, some movies made me tear up... this obviously sad moment in my life didn't... its funny... I went around the room hugging people saying the same thing over, "Good Luck," I couldn't think of what to say... even to the people I knew... maybe I'm just so disconnected that it doesn't matter to me, or maybe it just hasn't hit me yet... hehe.. before that, I didn't use up my exposures for my disposable camera... so got as many pictures of me with girls as I could.. fan-fucking-tastic...

I think its pretty harsh of me to say that I didn't care about everyone I've met that are my friends, but aren't my very close friends... I just don't feel connected with my friends... its just "hey I know you... fuck.. you know, I hate it when I can't remember the word I want to use... anyway.. I'll just say something similar... "hey! we have this small relationship based on a small conversation we had, wanna have another one?" this leads to closer friendship, but for some reason it doesn't... or at least I don't feel that it does... I know some people consider me their close friend, but I don't feel the same... its strange... I believe that I know how relationships work, but I can never do it the way other people do... they can expand on a single incident/moment/saying with another person to become friends, eventually becoming closer and closer.... I think I'm just a social retard... when I meet new people I have a difficult time finding a common ground... sure there's music, movies, what's happening around us, but then what? if those things don't spark a conversation, you're both left feeling uncomfortable and unsatisfied, well that's how I feel... for example I say something and then they give a one word response, when this happens several times, I give up and then there's that uncomfortable silence... then me walking away... or the other person walking away...

anyway the past few day's have probably been several of the most happiest days in my life... I'm now a high school graduate...